old punks web zine
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General Commentary, Part IV

The Art Bell Discussion Group

If you follow news of the weird you’ve heard that nutjob talk radio host Art Bell quit his late night program without notice because of an unspecified event in his personal life. His being a show on UFOs, conspiracy theories, past-life regression and holistic healing, one can only imagine the Byzantine theories his listeners came up with. A cornerstone of conspiracy theories is the belief "they" are out to silence "us" - those who know “the truth" - so their opinions must have been doozies. San Diego has a local chapter of Art Bell listeners who meet in any hall that will have them. I recently attended two meetings, each with a guest speaker so nutty it made me wonder how they’ve managed to avoid the men in white coats and large butterfly nets.

The meetings drew between 35 and 40 regulars with an average age of 50. The older ones were drawn more to the supernatural and healing subjects while the youngsters enjoyed the paranoia of government and corporate conspiracies. While fashion wasn't anyone's top priority they were clean, though I did detect a musty odor from somewhere in the group. The meetings were well organized and the members quiet and attentive. In general they hadn’t let their paranoias turn them into outwardly hateful monsters - a big relief in my book. Or maybe life's disappointments left them paranoid yet resigned to defeat.

They were true believers in Art Bell's show and I gathered disagreeing with Bell drew quick rebukes. The few I spoke to were relatively normal, or at least functional sane. To understand the Art Bell group you have to consider the many sides of holistic faith healing, conspiracy, paranoia, age, loneliness, and fear. It’s a mess in there, make no mistake about it.

I don't know what glue binds the Art Bell group, but I made guesses based on the available literature and my two lyin’ eyes. What struck me first is that they don't trust anyone but are suckers for all nutritional and spiritual claims. The Royal Family is descended from Christ and health foods can cure cancer. The New World Order is real and listening to tapes of human speech backwards reveals true meanings. Y2K marks the end of civilization and ancient astronauts known as the "Anunnaki" created man as primitive slaves. I don't think they really know what they believe. The Art Bell crowd may not be true paranoids as much as easily led doubters and seekers of something to believe in. Loneliness may also be a factor. They don't give off auras of accomplishment much beyond working and maybe raising a family. I don't think religion answered all their "why" questions of existence, leaving them open to all kinds of alternative explanations and hopes. They’re quaint and harmless, but who knows whet they’d do if backed against a wall.. Maybe Art's radio broadcastss give big meaning to small lives (and that's not so bad).

The first week's speaker was a physicist whose theory had two major points: 1) the universe consists solely of waves of energy, and 2) Human Consciousness changes these waves into dots that form everything we experience. In other words, nothing exists until you look at it, and then it disappears when you turn away. Isn't that what an infant experiences when mommy hides a ball behind her back? He was asked about films of trees falling and his response was "There's no explanation for that. That's a ghost in the machine." I sat there steaming because this lunatic was allowed to drive a car and hold cutlery. I asked him if there was any practical application for his theory, like can you use this knowledge to form waves of energy into dots that look like money or a better car. He said he had no answer. The only satisfaction I derived from this lecture was the knowledge Dr. Crazy no longer existed once I left the room.

The second week's speaker was a researcher and self-published author of books on AIDS, the Secret Government, and who-the-hell-knows what else. He didn't allow any questions until the end and didn't give examples of what he was talking about, something he called "Creative Imagination", which all said and done was just a promotion of alternative medicine, bartering systems, alternative lifestyles, alternative radio and alternative who the hell knows what. His big conspiracy was that 200 corporations control 25% of the world's productive capacity, and that these evil forces work to destroy all good and decent alternative movements. He dwelled on how the medical establishment doesn't approve of holistic medicine. He asserted that AIDS is not a killer disease and that it can be cured by healthy eating habits. Who knows what the truth is with medicine, but when he said we've been visited by aliens over 6,000 times because E.T.s envy our "creative imagination", I knew the boat to Nutso Island was one passenger shy. He also went on about how liberating it would be if everyone owned a radio transmitter. My head almost exploded. If everyone had their own radio transmitter the airwaves would be a solid wall of white noise and random phrases from every hate group, sexual perversity and lonely lunatic. Pirate radio can only succeed as an exception, not the rule. Yeah, wouldn’t it be nice…

After both lectures I shared with a few Art Bellers my belief these speakers were crazy. They agreed to a degree but said I had to keep an open mind to differing opinions. I said there has to be some minimum standard. A belief that you and I and that tree over there does truly exist would be an excellent minimum standard for taking any theory seriously. You can't have someone say the world doesn’t exist until we look at it and not doubt his sanity. Underneath the Art Bell follwer’s "open-mind" is the fear that to blow off another's crazy theory is to invite ridicule of your own crazy ideas.

This Week In Communist Propaganda

Hey kids, let's use The System to destroy The System! I think consumer culture is a joke too, but it's not inherently evil. It's stupid and silly, but it's what people instinctually crave. I don't know if I should laugh, cry or buy a machine gun when someone says the solution to the trend humping, ego trumpeting, id gratifying aspirations of 99.7% of the world's population can be found in the same bulls--t utopian rhetoric communists (oh, I'm sorry, they prefer to be called socialists) have been vomiting up for decades. The theories would be cute if they haven’t proved to be dismal lies and failures in practice.

In America, government, business, unions, religion, organized crime and average Joe citizens combine to create the system we live under. Investigative journalism, multiple venues of news dissemination and the right to vote are the only factors that help balance the scales of power. Still, most Americans go about their lives, have no idea, don't want to know, and in most cases don't need to know. America allows people to live what socialists call the "Big Lie" about their peace and prosperity. Socialists are always trying to give wake-up calls to America's duped citizenry. As a group we make decent money, drive decent cars, live decent lives and die thinking ours were all in all good lives. Much of the rest of the world would kill to have the luxury to be deluded like us Americans. It's not so simple to say we prosper at the expense of the rest of the world. Much of the world is a toilet, has always been a toilet, and will always be a toilet no matter what the US does.

Who runs things in socialist and communist countries? Government, organized crime, and in some cases warlords. That's it. The proletariat lives in s--t and they know every f--king day and in every f--king way who's f--king them and how it's being done. There's no free press and no vote. Socialists sell the promises of socialism to spoiled rich kids in capitalist countries and those with nothing and nothing to lose. It's the super secret truth for losers with too much time on their hands, and a release of class hatreds for those on the bottom of the pile. Either way I'm not impressed. No system is perfect, but the answer can't be found in anything based on Marx or Mao.

The US actually has a limited ability to make life better in many parts of the world. Tribalism, oppressive religion and culture, corruption and the seemingly random and inexplicable human need to commit genocide keep societies in cycles of turmoil and despair. Many problems are intractable, and no amount of American good will and money could ever change that. Do you think aid would even be allowed to reach most of the people who need it most? If you think life is unfair here, check out Somalia.

Below is one of a series of e-mails Ted Cloak sends out to newsgroups. It's standard commie propaganda dripping with good intentions and two blind eyes to marxism’s perfect batting average of .000. In another piece he goes more into detail about a massive transfer of American wealth to the rest of the world as part of our obligation of reparations, the latest commie buzzword. We're rich, they're poor, so we’re responsible, and if we give them money we'll all be equal. Even better, if we're poor and they're rich that's what we deserve. I’m amazed people like this are allowed to drive cars and raise children.

Enough breast-beating and finger-pointing!  It's time to start strategizing!
 by Ted Cloak, The Green Party

The so-called "war on terrorism" will fail.  Despite the technical sophistication and firepower of the military effort, suicidal attacks on government and business targets in the United States will continue, with unacceptable "collateral damage", unless the U.S. government ceases to commit, support, and abet acts of terrorism in other countries, and begins a credible effort to make amends for past acts of terrorism.  A government controlled by human beings, reflecting human needs and goals, could respond to this situation appropriately. Regrettably, however, the U.S. government is controlled by large corporations, the inherent absolute ruling goal of which is to maximize return on investment.  Since terrorism is effective, even necessary, for pursuing that goal, U.S. government terrorism will continue unabated  -- and so will counterterrorist actions by the affected parties. Terrorism cannot be stopped, therefore, except by ending corporate domination of the U.S. government.  In principle, ending corporate domination should not be difficult:  It could be accomplished by an Act of Congress, signed by the President and approved by the Supreme Court.  But in practice, such an approach cannot succeed: Not only do corporations control all three of those bodies, but they have virtual control over the only Constitutional mechanisms of replacing them. For similar reasons, the Constitutional mechanisms for amending the Constitution will not serve either. As the government fails to stop terrorism on U.S. soil, it will become discredited in the eyes of the populace.  There will be various rebellious initiatives, to which the government will respond with varying egrees of repression.  But we still have a little time to  think and talk:  How can we unite and organize enough people to change the Constitution and end corporate rule?

California Police Car Chase

Television's Best Entertainment Value

I just spent the last hour staring blindly at the television. I'm relatively new to California so I've just recently discovered the state's #1 spectator sport - TV coverage of police cars chasing idjits around Los Angeles highways and side streets until the inevitable crash and foot chase ending with arrest. All the major stations cover these events live by helicopter, and it makes for riveting viewing. There's drama, danger and human interest galore - and it's all happening somewhere near you! I imagine those watching work up battle plans on how they'd escape the police knowing what they know about roads and traffic conditions. It's chess in the city that defines car culture.

I don't know why I kept watching, and I wondered if I’d ever divert my eyes. Inertia is a blessing and a curse. I didn't want to miss the end of the third act. I knew it might involve a horrible crash or a pedestrian getting hit, but I just couldn't say no. I found myself planning strategy at each intersection, estimating acceleration speeds and looking closely for local landmarks.

Car chases are morbid and surreal. It's instant celebrity in a town that consumes it and poops it out like pudding. Suspects wave at the helicopter cameras! Ever wonder why losers on "Cops" allow their faces to be shown on TV? It’s because there’s no such thing as bad publicity. It's why Jerry Springer guests choose to tell their loved ones they're cheating with a transvestite on national television.

So, I'm watching and imagining it's a video game. As he's squeezing through tight spaces to freedom I feel like I'm standing next to a teenage zit-farmer at a video arcade while he's doing the hand-eye coordination thing on a machine I couldn't figure out in a million years. It’s a game with horrible potentials and I feel like a hypocrite because nothing pisses me off more than rubberneckers at accident scenes. Still, it's on TV and it doesn't seem real. The guys in this chase were lucky they encountered little traffic (for L.A. at 5 PM on a Friday it seemed more like a Sunday morning). That made it even more surreal because I can't go ten blocks anywhere without hitting gridlock - forget about a sixty minute chase through Los Angeles.

The police finally rammed the suspect's vehicle and it stopped. As three helicopters taped the action, twenty cops surrounded the vehicle, and eventually two losers came out and humped the concrete until it was safe to cuff them. They were young and in their early twenties. They probably felt like superstars. I was hoping they'd do something stupid and have their heads blown off. I have no sympathy for anyone who puts other people, especially children, in danger. It's like I can't understand why "attempted murder" is considered a lesser crime than "murder". I say execute them twice - once for the planned murder and again for failing.

Oh, Swami Llama Dhama, Don't Lecture Me
It’s wrong to defend yourself. Chant as you are being beaten. Ohmm…

This e-mail I received is the funniest and most infuriating slice of pseudo intellectual, condescending drivel I've read in a goodly while. Imagine, name dropping the "Ven. Rempoche Nawang Gelike". He doesn't even come up on Google, so I assumethat makes him just another putz wrapped in a bed sheet who looks like he shaves without a mirror. Hopefully one day he'll get the fame, Rolls Royces and serin gas labs. And, it wasn't Rengu Tulka Rempoche who said "Relax", it was Frankie, and he was referring to the male sphincter. But seriously folks, I kid because I love. I love to hate. I have nothing against Eastern religions, even when they're little cults for spoiled Americans whose vows of poverty are easily reversed with a phone call to a parent or trust fund administrator. I'm just not going to be spoken down to like this. Below is the e-mail I received (Spell checking corrected at least twelve simple words). Below that is my response. Reading it over again I know I blew up disproportionately, but I'm not as enlightened as the Ven. Curry Krishna Vishnu Phlegm Zagnut, who said "No, I didn't say I wanted 'Peace At Last', I said I wanted 'Piece Of Ass'". And since the Ven. Zagnut was a New Yorker, he then grabbed his bag-o-nuts and yelled (serenely) "I got your arrogant monkey for ya, right here!" We'll see, we'll see....

I do not think war is just. It comes from a place of anger, hatred and fear. However war is the situation in which we live these days. Compassion, (Ven. Rempoche Nawang Gelike admits has become a buzz word) would be the best way for us to conduct ourselves. It is unfortunate that we as well as the Taliban are hungry for blood. Last night while giving a Dharma talk in support of his new book, the Ven. Rempoche expressed the anger he felt following the Sept. 11 tragedy. He related his anger to the anger he felt when the communist exiled him from Tibet. It was through a basic understanding that we, though flawed, posses Buddha nature at the core of our beings that the Rempoche came to terms with his anger. In this time of unprecedented hatred I take comfort in the words of my teacher Rengu Tulka Rempoche who said simply "Relax" what is is and what will be will be. we are advised by the Tao to return to primal simplicity "One should not shine like jade or resound like a stone chime". Therefore even though I can not offer a real solution to the terror of human slaughter I can say it is wrong. I can also say that the continuation of our species is not necessary. It is my belief that in all good there is evil and in all evil there is good. perhaps the result of this war will be the extinction of our race of arrogant monkeys. Rengu Tulka Rempoche told the story of a man who had one horse. When the horse ran away all of his neighbors came and said, Oh you have such poor luck... The man said "well see". that is where we are at today, In a state of constant "We'll See". I am comfortable with that.

MY RESPONSE:

In a crisis I'll be sure to contact you if sitting back and quoting Buddhist texts can be of use. I'm happy for you you've discovered peace is better than war. Of course it is. So what? Don't let readings of history get in the way of believing chanting "love, peace, love, peace" can stop rape, genocide, hate and cruelty. The "Well, all I know is that war is wrong" philosophy is lovely. When Hitler killed every Seventh Day Adventist he could get his hands on out of contempt for their pacifism, I'm sure it was a great comfort to fathers and mothers that their children may have died painfully, but at least they didn't react in anger. Life can be very simple if you believe it is. I like Buddhist philosophy because it means well. It's an idea that flies in the face of the cruelty of existence and experience. If you want to cling to what the Bahwan Rajneesh preaches as the only way, that's great for you. In the current situation all I can say is that you're absof—kly useless to anyone but other cowardly hippies needing assurances they're right and not not alone.

All you know is that peace is better than war. Seriously, that's all you know and need to know to be so smug. Have you ever been in a position to stop violence? Have you ever been in a fight? Do you know what real poverty is like? I like hippies because they're cutely deluded. I'm sure you're a lovely person who means well. You could just as well have turned ultra Christian or believe aliens control everything and can only be stopped by eating flan. In my day I've read up on Buddhism. In a perfect world people would behave peacefully. I'm glad Buddhism exists as an influence for peace. In America, a rich, mostly peaceful nation, Buddhism is just another cult for middle and upper class hippies to feel special about.

Gandhi and MLK wouldn't have lived out the week in Pol Pot's Cambodia or Stalin's USSR. Why, because peaceful resistance only works if those against you don't have the stomach for genocide. As history has shown, genocide is easy. I'm sure you're a nice person, but you've written to me to express an absolute belief. You've thrown out all kinds of quotes and name dropping as if you have some set of life experiences outside of books and comfort. Come back when you're forty and have paid your own way. Your beliefs as nice but go chant in the corner while warriors make it safe for you to daydream that peace conquers violence. If I want to learn about another culture or religion, I'll give you a call. Otherwise you're useless to the situation. Violence stopped Hitler. Not chanting, not karma, and not the happy thoughts of rich American children. Read about the history of genocide, which has taken place as recently as Bosnia and Somalia. Wish it all away with quotes of peace, philosophies of peace and big fat checks from your parents.

Do you know why I'm writing to you with such contempt? I just figured it out. It's because you've written to talk down to me. To impress me with your fancy new book learnin' and lecture listnin'. You don't know dick about me. You don't have my permission to talk down to me. As a member of a minority group I've had to deal with prejudice and the history of prejudice on my people. Do you honestly think I'm going to listen to a richy rich like you preach to me about philosophy? You weren't born in a Buddhist culture. Your parents probably aren't Buddhist. You're probably just a coward in search of an intellectual excuse for being a coward. Buddhism is a religion, and a fine one at that, but Americans practice it as a novelty. Go chant until you die, peacefully, you smug little f--k. Ohhhmmmm, Ohhhhmmmmmmm.......

E-Mail From John, Punk MD (with a diploma and everything!)

One minor point, the correct spelling is Bagwhan Shree Rajneesh.  His right hand woman was Ma Anand Sheila, an American gal who always carried a gun on her hip.  They took over the town of Antelope South
Dakota by busing in bums to vote for them. They also used bioterrorism - they laced the salad bar at a local restaurant with salmonella, which causes severe food poisoning - vomitting & diarrhea, so the locals couldn't vote on election day.  The Bagwhan had 73 Rolls Royces.  He is one of my heros.  I have a picture of is rainbow painted Rolls Royce Silver Spur on my bulletine board as an inspiration.  I have also been to New Vrindiban, West Virginia twice.  It is the largest Hare Krishna community in the world.  They have 20,000 acres.  It's totally bizarre.  Their leader murdered a few dissenters a while back and buried them on the grounds.  He got caught but New Vrindiban carries on.  The last time I went there they were building (no joke) Krishna conciouness time-share condos.  For people who want to experience the Krishna conciousness lifestyle a couple of weeks a year.

Klever Kids Kick Ass For Peace
"KKK?! That's not good. Unghhhhh. . ."

I was strutting down Main Street in my best zoot suit, like Mr. Natural when he keeps on trucking, when all of a what tha' this wordy sticker caught my eye, its blinding truth causing my monocle to pop out, knocking the bologna sandwich out of the mitts of a midget, who summarily bit me on the kneecap, causing me to hop hither and yon and flap my arms  -- and THAT's how the Flamingo Hop dance craze started back in aught-one!

So, anyhoo, this sticker is also a web site: www.usps.biz

United States Peace Solidarity
Benevolence Integrity Zeitgeist

We the people of the United States of America also known as "consumers" stand united as a new government office "The Office of Homeland Brotherhood". We pledge to promote peace, truth and nonviolence in our country and throughout the global community. We respect all cultures, their laws, their land and their people, as others have accepted our culture, our inhuman acts of violence and discrimination throughout the ages. We are against the corporate exploitation of developing countries and the use of military action to expand corporate economic interest. We pledge the resources of the United States military to offer nonviolent unconditional humanitarian assistance to all people. We ask the world to forgive us for our past mistakes and pledge to use all means at our disposal to overcome the selfishness and greed that defiles us. We promote a socialized and nonprofit form of health care for all people regardless of their economic status. We support government funded nonprofit active research to discover the cause and elimination of disease in all its forms.

The "United States Peace Solidarity - Benevolence Integrity Zeitgeist" people secured this address before the post office did. Somebody in da union must have been snoozing. I guarantee that as we speak the courts are in the process of transferring ownership of the URL to the evil right-wing government agency of jack-booted postal thugs. All to stop the zeitgeist of benevolent integrity!!

This is either a pledge or a petition, or both. I doubt even the USPSBIZ kids know. It starts off as an anarchist anti-American and anti-war thing and then trails off with a few other items from the "and while you're at it" list. You have to love these nobodies. I bet my capitalistic fortune there's only four of them and they've already formed seven internal committees. Every word must have been agonized and fought over for meaning and impact. The kids do what they can, which is so beautiful. You just want to give them a big, big hug and tell them everything will be ok. But wait, these are older children, so it's all about good intentions, and that's why Soylent Teen outsells Soylent Green two to one. It's all that extra moral fiber.

Here's my two cents on what the petition says:

We the people of the United States of America also known as "consumers" stand united as a new government office "The Office of Homeland Brotherhood".

It starts off like The U.S. Constitution, so it's, like, official and everything. "Consumers" is also like totally sarcastic and means in a capitalistic country there are no citizens, just consumers of retail products that exploit workers and destroy the environment. Here's the first mistake: in the anarchist's paradise of the universal honor system there would be no government offices. They'd be turned into squats for the rich people whose homes were given to the homeless to compensate for their indignities. Ah, smell the social justice. The "Office of Homeland Brotherhood" is a riff on "Homeland Security", but 1) it should read "Sisterhood" to remedy centuries of patriarchal oppression, and 2) was "Superfriends" not available?

We pledge to promote peace, truth and nonviolence in our country and throughout the global community.

In the ‘70s the communist-riddled United Nations passed resolutions saying it was illegal for Israel to resist terrorist attacks because it impeded the actions of legitimate Arab freedom fighters. The concept of "peace, truth and nonviolence" when mouthed by commutards is a two-faced joke that only applies to one side of the fight. There’s also no such thing as a "global" community. The world is a minefield of mistrusts and hatreds under the banners of race, religion, politics and favorite soccer teams. Community? It takes effort just to keep neighbors from shooting each other for entertainment!

We respect all cultures, their laws, their land and their people, as others have accepted our culture, our inhuman acts of violence and discrimination throughout the ages.

This one’s the pile with the most fiber. The first part decides everyone but Americans are pristine and innocent, and then zings it to Uncle Sam by saying these perfect beings have been either forgiving like puppies or helpless victims of capitalism. This sets up the notion a few sentences down that everything America has comes from the suffering of others, and in the name of fairness we should give it all back to the rest of the world, or at least those who hate us the most. There's plenty of danger spots in the US, but there’s also parts of the world where women can be legally murdered by their husbands if they say their honor was insulted, places where gang rapes of children as young as four is on the rise, where newborn babies are left to die by their parents because they were born female, and where scumbags will kill you for a nickel. The travel section of the Sunday paper must be all the evidence you need that anyplace else but here must be fantastic.

This might also be implying that even if a group like the Taliban beats women for exposing a bit of ankle, it's ok because that's another culture and we can't judge them by our so-called standards. The blind, hypocritical application of a double standard is blatant in the current anti-America movement. Oh, I'm sorry, I can't call it anti-American. Can't people calling for the destruction of our government, political, social, spiritual and economic systems to be replaced with forced communal living exist without being labeled anti-American? No.

We are against the corporate exploitation of developing countries and the use of military action to expand corporate economic interest.

Thankfully the US is the only country that exploits developing countries and uses the military to protect its interests (sarcasm off).

We pledge the resources of the United States military to offer nonviolent unconditional humanitarian assistance to all people.

Ok, so the military would have no weapons and they'll skip around the world giving away American stuff to anyone who wants stuff. Does that include ponies, 'cause I want one too. And a fire truck, and a chemistry set and a gazillion spazzillion dollars….

We ask the world to forgive us for our past mistakes and pledge to use all means at our disposal to overcome the selfishness and greed that defiles us.

This is where new millennium anarchist rhetoric makes me alternate between laughing hysterically and wanting to hit somebody. All horrors of world history are our fault. All negative human behavior is our fault. It's ok to crash airplanes into office towers because we gave them no choice. If you have that attitude, seriously, f—k you. If everything here sucks, leave. Nobody gives a f--k about what you think except maybe your parents who are mostly embarrassed they failed with you. If your life sucks so much you want to take out your misery on others, do something productive and honorable by tossing yourself into a tree shredder to help nourish the land. There's three types of anarchists: bratty teenagers not over their terrible twos (they should reject all parental support and student loans, and live on the street because that's Real), hippies (closet rich kids wearing expensive organic clothing) and angry ideologues of a bankrupt political system that hasn't seen a day of sunshine since the Bay of Pigs invasion failed in 1961. Defile? That's religious sounding, and anarchists are atheist…. Next!

Paranoia For The Truly Paranoid

I'm not going into a long diatribe about conspiracy theories except to point out crazy people hold most of them. This one I've seen before, and it's a wowzer. In the L.A. Times a mental defective wrote this letter to the editor, "...While counterfeiting elimination is Treasury's reported goal, and makes for good reading, an equally important reason for the new currency is that the threads embedded in the bills will ultimately allow the government to detect via sophisticated devices the amount of currency a citizen carries with him out of the country. That is the complete story of our new currency." This new currency was mentioned on The X-Files as a way to track people. I've heard it said that it's a way for "them" to know how much is in your wallet at all times.

Ex-squeeze me, but really, who cares if you have twelve dollars in your pocket? Do you think enough people exist in this country to monitor everyone’s wallet? What would the secret government do with this valuable information? Make a pie-chart on an Excel spreadsheet? Oh, god, people are desperate to find any reason to draw attention to their pathetic, worthless and meaningless lives.

Hey, you, the smelly loner afraid to put a new $20 into your plastic wallet (meat is murder)! Nobody cares how much money you have or where you're going with it. I know it, you know it, and so does that government agent behind that tree. You should pay more attention to why people avoid you at all costs and parents pull their kids close when you walk by. Oh yeah, you have something of value and they're after you for it. $1.57, the body odor of a cadaver, underwear with holes in it, a dog-eared copy of Catcher In The Rye, and the super-secret hidden truth. You matter a lot.

The Hunger Strike Diet Plan

There was an article in today’s paper about a man staging a hunger strike to protest a lack of sufficient arts funding. Not to take away from real political prisoners with real causes, but in most cases I can’t help but laugh at the idea. It's melodramatic, drawn out and self-imposed. It’s up there with I’m gonna hold my breath until I turn blue in the face and die. Parents freak out if their kids don't eat because they don't want Melvin Jr. collapsing at school, and then the authorities put Mom and Pop away for negligence. A hunger strike is the adult version of this where the organization targeted doesn't want bad publicity. Yet, if an adult opts to punish himself in this manner, that's his choice. Maybe it's the high melodrama of issues like arts funding and college curriculum that makes me snicker. Or, maybe I’m a bad, bad man.

"Death Row Hunger Strike" - is this ironic or a simple oxymoron?

If someone threatened a hunger strike because of something I was involved with, this is what I’d do:

1) Earnestly offer to speak with him to resolve the issue and prevent that darn hunger strike. Then I’d say as an aside that he looks like he could stand to lose a few pounds.

2) Release a statement saying I sincerely regret the action and hope he'll reconsider. Then I’d tell him if he really wants to kill himself I would respect his decision, shake his hand and wish him luck.

3) Have the press take pictures of me bringing food and pleading with him to eat. Then afterwards I'd eat the food in front of him and make loud yummy eating noises.

4) Release a statement saying I've done all I could to resolve the darn issue, but I cannot prevent him from continuing this self-destructive act. Then I'd go eat more food in front of him.

5) If he dies a sincere statement of regret will be issued. Then I'll shrug my shoulders, say "Eh, what can you do?", then go out for a salad because I'd feel like I've been eating for two for a while. 

6) If he stops the hunger strike I’ll call him a quitter.

My Visit To Mexico

I recently moved to San Diego and made the obligatory thirty minute trip to Tijuana, Mexico. It's like a foreign country down there! It’s what I imagine Calcutta to be, but with tacos. Everything's in Spanish, which surprised me because their economy relies heavily on gringo dollars. On the ride down I was puttering along at 65 mph on my motocicletia when a small bird took his own life by smacking into my lips. Ay Chihuahua!

Thankfully my yap wasn't open, and yes, it hurt like hell. It took a while to get into Mexico because at the border lanes merged endlessly, like commuters exiting Manhattan at rush hour. Down the main drag men waved rolls of sun protection film at every car, others waving hammers to indicate they'll fix your car right there on the street. There were endless drug stores, doctors, and dentists, and more tourist junk than at America's South Of The Border (on I-95 in the Carolinas). After a mile of this I made two lefts and eventually wound up on the highway back to San Diego. I didn't stop because I didn't want to leave my bike alone, expecting it to be taken apart in minutes by toothless men waving tools.

Downtown Tijuana was nutty enough, but waiting to cross back is simply depressing. Since traffic moves as a snail's pace there's a whole economy at work on the road, from legless beggars in wheelchairs to children walking up to cars peddling gum, or “chicle” as it’s screamed by tiny voices. Men walk around holding up everything from hammocks to crystals to large plaster Tweety Birds. Literally hundreds of Tweety Birds, like he's Mexico's cartoon patron saint. The border cop saw I had no place to carry anything but he still asked a lot of questions. I told him I just moved to San Diego and he shot back "Where did you move from?", like I was lying. I look Russian/German and talk like a news announcer. From the dead look in his eyes I could tell he's just lovin' life.

I can't say I'll ever go back unless I'm in desperate need of cheap booze, leather goods or dentistry. There’s a huge trade in dental work, dirt cheap and supposedly good. College kids binge drink on cheep hooch. I can only guess how many of these puke hydrants wind up mugged and beaten. Mexican police are also famously corrupt. Smart visitors know to only keep $20 in their wallets when traveling to Mexico because the game is: 1) cop pulls you over, 2) you ask what's "the fine", 3) he says $50, 4) you open your wallet in front of him and say "golly, all I have left is $20", 5) he takes the $20, 6) you're on your way. It’s an Abbott and Costello routine of corruption. I'm also told Mexican punks hate American punks and will beat them on sight. Enjoy!

Science and Religion

(are not mutually exclusive)

Science and religion are not mutually exclusive / In fact for better understanding we take the facts of science and apply them / And if both factors keep evolving then we continue getting information but closing off possibilities makes it hard to see the bigger picture / Consider the case of the woman whose faith helped her make it through when she was raped and cut up left for dead in a trunk her beliefs held true / It doesn't matter if it's real or not cause some things are better left without a doubt and if it works then it gets the job done -- from "The Science Of Myth" by Mr. Foster

When dealing with advanced issues of theology nothing lends more credibility to the discussion than quoting Screeching Weasel. In a recent Newsweek there was an article on how some scientists are now openly embracing a belief in God and consider it possible for a higher power and Science to exist side by side. It is my view that Atheism is a Faith based on Science, while Religion is a Science based on Faith. They both rely on the faith that the universe and our purpose in it can be explained by either a book (the Bible) or a set of empirical scientific calculations. Both exist to make sense out of chaos and provide meaning to existence. Atheism is a religion too, and an very angry one at that.

What's the truth? How the hell should I know? I'm agnostic and hold no firm conviction either way. I probably never will and that's OK with me. Arguments either way are easy enough to question. Did the universe create itself? Did God create the universe? Who created God, or how it God create himself? Infinity makes me think there may be a God. The hell that people commit on each other makes me think there may be no God. How can the universe be "expanding"? What exists a mile past the end of the expanding universe? Science is a seth of theories theoretically proven by math and research. That's a faith too. How do the facts of Science negate the possible existence of God? Couldn't God have created all math and science? But again, how could God have created himself? Like I said before, I'm agnostic because these questions are beyond my understanding. And that's OK with me.

When my niece was dying from cancer I prayed in my own fashion to a God I knew may not exist. There are no atheists in a plane about to crash. Organized religion draws well-deserved derision when it acts as an oppressive police state demanding obedience and money. The Spanish Inquisition was not exactly an act of love. Atheism as practiced by communist regimes hasn't been any less oppressive. The gulags were filled with anyone who dared question the system, and in North Korea three generations of family pay the price for the “crimes” of one person in their hellish prison-factory system.

Religion and atheism are neither all good nor all bad - it depends on how they're practiced. If religious faith or a deep understanding of trigonometry makes you happy, calms your fears and makes you a better person, that's great and it should be acknowledged as positive.

I find in many atheists strong and bitter reactions to bad religious experiences from their youth, so their embrace of science is based more on that than scientific epiphany. And look at how many nuts use religion as an excuse to be hateful and greedy. Science vs. Religion is a battle that will always be fought and mostly likely never won. Maybe I became agnostic so I could put the big existential questions behind me. The ideas are interesting but I don’t lose sleep over it. And that's OK with me.

Most Sexist Cartoon Of The Century

People complain Doonesbury is too political. Some papers don't even carry it on the comics page, opting instead for the Style section or Editorial pages. Mallard Fillmore, a poor excuse for radical right humor, isn't even worth considering. B.C. by Hart, is the most political strip around, with its absolute opinions and didactic bible references. In case of Rapture, Hart's drawing board will be driverless. I can't use a scanner to save my life, so the text is below the strip. This is the most sexist cartoon of all time, and it appeared in the kiddie section of hundreds of newspapers.

Woman: Do You Resent Women On The Golf Course?

Man: Heck, No! I Certainly Wouldn't Want To See a Man Driving Hole-To-Hole delivering Refreshments."

MIND CONTROL AS ADVERTISING

In the 60’s LSD and pot were the drugs of choice, and rock music promised to help you tune out and turn on. In the 90’s "Moonbeam" and "Speeder" have 2.5 kids, a third mortgage and twenty minutes to finish a multi-media presentation for a big corporate client. Coffee and Prozac now rule the day, and soft rock promises to trigger happy nostalgia neurons without asking any more from you than a happy smile and maybe a few sing-alongs in the car.

So many radio stations clutter the dial that niche programming is the only way most stations can attract and keep an audience. Advertisers love it when stations target a specific demographic, knowing they can place ads with confidence. There's no sweeter market than soft rock: Baby Boomers with kids. What don't they buy?

Below are real on-air promos for a local soft rock station. I changed the city and call letters. George Carlin once wrote a radio DJ bit that began: "Hi gang! Scott Lame here, the Boss Jock playing the Boss sounds from the Boss list of the Boss 30 that my boss told me to play!!"

With soft rock you get thousands of pages of market research and psychological studies boiled down into up-beat snippets of who you are and what function you think the radio should play in your busy day. Frank Zappa said music is the wallpaper of people's lives, and that's true today more than ever. While reading these it may seem odd that a radio station would run statistical analysis as advertising, but in the age of clear cola people couldn’t care less about being manipulated - they just want to know how it's being done.

"This is Mortville's 'at work' radio station. Soft rock, music that's never loud and irritating, and never sleepy."

"Weekdays and weekends, WFUK FM is the perfect radio station to have on while you work. Never too hard, and never sleepy. That's soft rock."

"Soft rock means a variety of music everybody in the family can agree on, that's why we're so perfect to have on when you're doing those chores around the house this weekend."

"You're listening to soft rock, the radio station specially designed for families on the weekend. soft rock means familiar songs you can sing along with, from the 70s, 80s, and 90s. Music that keeps your kids happy, without getting on your nerves. The best variety for the whole family, never too hard and never sleepy. That's soft rock.."

Who Has The Better Fake Newspaper -
Commies, Nazis, or Lyndon LaDouche ?

I’ve lived in the Washington, DC area for sixteen years, literally inside The Beltway. I love it when idiots imply it's a layer of Dante's hell. When a numbnut from Buttlick, Kansas says it he means we Washingtonians are policy wonks out of touch with "real" Americans. I laugh, because DC is one of the most transient cities in the country. People also forget that every member of the Congress they hate so much is elected in real American states where real Americans drink cheap beer, beat their wives and own guns in disproportionate numbers to the amount of inbred children they have.

I live in a political town and I love reading newspapers. There are two locals, The Washington Post and The Washington Times. The Post is called "Pravda By The Potomac" but it's not as bad as the New York Times. They love nailing sitting presidents no matter who they are, and they're a supplier of news to many small conservative papers around the country. The Times, the Moonie rag, is a joke. It loses many millions each year and its very existence is a bribe to America's Christian right wing in exchange for them not getting in the way of Moon's campaign to spread his Unification Church with himself as God and his wife as Mrs. God. The Times exists solely to bash liberalism and employ conservative journalists. In exchange for the propaganda and the cash, American conservatives bite their lips when they see Moon attempt in vain to spread his cult in their beloved Christian Nation. You can fairly smell the hypocrisy.

That's nothing compared to fringe newspapers put out by hate groups like the American Nazi Party, the Communist Party, and Lyndon LaDouche, who started off left wing, turned right, and now lives to make endless speeches on economic theory and accuse England's Queen of being the source of all evil. The Liberty Lobby's toilet wipe The Spotlight, the Communist Party's People's Weekly World, and The Douche's The Federalist are small, free newspapers that would like to but can’t even pretend to be mainstream.

The Liberty Lobby is the friendly face of the American Nazi Party. Founded in 1955 by Willis Carto, who wrote "Hitler's defeat was the defeat of Europe, and of America", the LL publishes The Spotlight as "The Voice Of The American Majority". Instead of simply saying "We Love Hitler" they print endless articles on Zionists and the Bilderberg Group, a shadowy group who meet once a year to plot the control of the world economy through indirect political means. Wwho controls the Bilderberg Group? The Jooos!!!! Can't you see? It's not your fault if you're an illegitimate, inbred, alcoholic nobody with no control over your own life. It's the Jooos!! Ads in The Spotlight are for dried foods, bomb shelters, vitamin therapy, how not to pay taxes, and an endless supply of anti-government and Holocaust Denial literature. Every so often The Spotlight prints an ad saying they'll pay $1,000,000 to anyone proving The Bilderberg Group does not exist. Do I have to explain about disproving a negative? The Liberty Lobby's Institute For Historical Review is a phony front for their efforts to spread Holocaust Revisionism, which says that Hitler was our friend and the six million dead Jew thing never happened. Or maybe they all fell down the stairs and broke their necks. Hey, didn't Hitler play Moe in the 3 Stooges?

The Communist Party USA (slogan: "What, me move to Cuba?") puts out the People's Weekly World, hunting fresh souls through coverage of union, health care and civil rights issues. Good intentions are nice, but saying the solution is Marxist-Leninist theory is a joke commutards still don't get. Communism and socialism have proved miserable failures in practice. How many homes does Comrade Castro own? How many people did Mao and his wife kill in the Cultural Revolution? And Russia - at least they admitted defeat from within. Unions in socialist countries have no power over the elite few who dictate the will of the people. Health care may be more widely available but the quality stinks and the waits are deadly. "Civil rights" is what communists use as proof their system was friendlier to the oppressed masses. Repeat after me - "The Former Yugoslavia". At least in their newspaper these red bastards come out and say they're commies. In the back of the latest issue there's a "Parody of the Lord's Prayer" - "Our uncle, America's shame/Samuel is your Yankee name./Your way of life is one we shun!/Grudges settled by bomb or gun//Lead us not into Nuclear War/Compassion & love come to the fore!/We do not want the ultimate folly/Of shelter 'neath your nuclear brolly//Give us this day the ways of Peace/Practice at home. Your murders cease/Show by example in song & story/If you would seek both fame & glory/The capitalist system change & then/Well may the World's workers say Amen!" Yes, in a worker's paradise there are no guns, no bombs, and no hate -- because Unicorns run free and urine is beer. Here's what I don't get - if you hate capitalism so much you should move to North Korea and wallow in that heaven. Don't stay in America, collect welfare, bitch, complain, and brag about how you're subverting The System. You’re a zit on The System’s ass. I'm leaving DC and a great paying job to move to California because I'm bored to death. I'm just doing it. Go somewhere you'll be happy. Communists who stay in America are full of crap. The Cold War is over. Your side lost. Drop the communist crap and work to make the present system fairer for all. Your leftist heroes were butchers and theorists who couldn't tie their own shoes.

Lyndon LaDouche's The New Federalist is simply a very strange paper put out exclusively to hail Lyndon as a hero and print endless articles in small print on migraine-inducing economic theories and international conspiracy theories. They're still trying to get a presidential pardon for LaDouche. He was in jail for five years for the many money scams he'd put together. Once a left-wing nut, then a right-wing nut, now somewhere on his own planet, it's hard to pin him down. He hates Jews, especially Henry Kissinger. He's run for president in every election since ‘76. He says the Royal Family is responsible for the world's drug trade. He created The Schiller Institute as a front organization for his many paranoid theories, and set up the EIRNS as a phony news service for everything he craps onto The New Federalist. Calling himself a "Physical Economist", this rag is filled with LaDouche's world saving ideas. I've tried to read some articles but the writing is too bland and long-winded. The New Federalist mentions Lyndon LaDouche as often as the bible mentions God.

The Theory Of Annoying Social Trends

As soon as you’re old enough to notice popular culture it hits you there's a silly, mindless trend being giddily consumed by literally millions of idiots all around you. You rebel and are labeled a grump, so you keep quiet and figure it's just a matter of time before this thing falls out of favor, and all will be well in the world again. So, you wait. But that mind-numbing trend is replaced by a equally annoying trend. So you moan and complain, then wait again… but the cycle never end, and it never does. Below is my incomplete time-line of Annoying Social Trends. No dates are given and I'm sure everything's out of order:

The 60s - Earth Shoes - Custom Vans w/ airbrush Frazetta artwork - Pet Rocks - Do The Hustle! - Travolta's haircut - Bruuuuce!! - MTV - Urban Cowboy - CB Radios - Sid Vicious worship - Leg Warmers - Designer Ripped Clothing - New Romance - (Y)(G)(B)uppies - Boy George - Cher - The Material Girl - Dungeons and Dragons - Miami Vice Facial Hair - Moshing - Moral Majority - PC - Young Republicans - The Electric Slide - My Inner Child - Hard Rock Power Ballads - Faces of Death - Synergy - balding guys with ponytails - Ruder Than You - Anarchy! - Alternative - Lollapalooza - Vespa Mania - Lifestyle Tattoos - Disco Revival - Time Shares -Grunge - Vampirism - Angry White Males - Raves - Poetry Slams - Cat-In-The-Hat hats- Smart Drinks - 60s Revival - bad 70s TV Nostalgia - Cocktail Nation - Cigars - Macarena (who didn't see THAT coming?)- Soccer Moms 

Let's Take A Look Into The Future -- All The Way To The Year 2000

And, in the death
As the last few corpses lay rotting on the slimy thoroughfare
The shutters lifted in inches in Temperance Building
High on Poacher's Hill
And red mutant eyes gaze down on Hunger City
No more big wheels

Fleas the size of rats sucked on rats the size of cats
And ten thousand peoploids split into small tribes
Coveting the highest of the sterile skyscrapers
Like packs of dogs assaulting the glass fronts of Love-Me Avenue
Ripping and rewrapping mink and shiny silver fox, now legwarmers
Family badge of sapphire and cracked emerald
Any day now

The Year of the Diamond Dogs

Future Legend - David Bowie

Post Apocalyptic Wrap-Up

Like groundhogs peeking out of the dirt to check for their own shadows, victims of Millennium Fever woke up on New Year’s Day 2000 and saw that everything was at is was the day before. Their collective first thought was "Crap, what am I going to do with 200 cans of dehydrated chicken?" Their second was how they were going to lie to others so they don't look like total losers. Good luck!

Some will say the government nullified every potential threat, therefore consolidating their power for the day in the very near future when they’ll send down Chinese black helicopters from Canada to impose a New World Order. The gov-mint wouldn't dare do it on New Years Day because the Patriots, otherwise known as Real Americans, were armed and ready. The nuts who retreated to bomb shelters will be on full alert for years, or at least until they run out of toilet paper.

Religious kooks will re-interpret the bible to say that next New Years Eve, the mathematical beginning of the new millennium, will be when God sends for the true believers while the rest are left on this hellish earth. Once that fails, they'll point out that the calendar we use was created randomly by an ancient monk, and that the real day of reckoning is surely still a-comin'.

If you know anyone saying the Y2K preparations were a waste because "nothing happened", please smack them for me, ok? Nothing happened because of luck and major efforts on the part of business and government. Know what I love most about paranoid people? Their egos are the size of their big fat heads.

So, congratulations on surviving the last thousand year time period. Next New Years will be another headache because religious and terrorist groups will still have the Millennium as an excuse to go coocoo for Cocoa Puffs. Another night to avoid like a cold sore. 

 (11-18-01) contributed by Dan. It was sent on Oct 18. Dan's brilliant, and not just because I agree with everything he says.

ANTI-IDIOCY REGIMENT - A.I.R.

"Idiocy" is commonly defined as "extreme folly or stupidity".  Our group, by showing up at these rallies, is here to counter what we believe is idiocy on the part of the anti-war protesters.  We have no quarrel with anyone's right to disagree with the policies of their government.  This right is part of what makes the United States of America a great country.  Nor do we believe that war is always the answer to resolving conflict.  Quite the contrary.  We are not extreme right-wing hawks.  We are Democrats, Republicans, and Independents, and we believe we represent the point of view of the vast majority of Americans.  We believe the United States has the right to defend itself
against vicious acts of aggression like the kind that occurred on September 11 and in the subsequent anthrax attacks in recent weeks.  We believe that it constitutes idiocy to suggest that the United States has no such right to use military power to punish those responsible for these horrors and prevent future attacks from occurring.  We further believe that it is the right, and perhaps even the duty, of every U.S. citizen to scrutinize and possibly criticize the foreign policy of our government at times.  However, we feel that it is unjust and misguided to create moral equivalence between the past faults of our government and the terrorist attacks on our country.  There is NO EXCUSE for what happened on September 11.  NONE.  The United States has committed wrongs in its past, to be sure, but it has never deliberately taken planeloads full of innocent people and crashed them into buildings full of innocent people.  The anti-war protesters want you to believe that America's faults somehow justify the brutal actions of September 11.  We all must resist their arguments if we are to survive as a society.

Arguments and rebuttals

1. The Anti-War Committee (AWC) would have you believe that the U.S. military action in Afghanistan constitutes a "racist war". In their literature, the AWC claims it as a "reality" that "the U.S. media has framed people of Arab descent and Muslims as enemies of Americans."
Framed?  Who has the U.S. "framed"?  The overwhelming evidence surrounding the Sept. 11 attacks speaks for itself.  No one has been "framed".  This is an outrageous charge.  We at the A.I.R. deplore all acts of harassment, verbal or physical, that have been perpetrated on
Americans of Arab or Muslim descent.  There is no excuse for this behavior, and there never will be.  But to argue that the U.S. has "framed" somebody?  Where are the supporting facts for this claim by the AWC?  Furthermore, the 4 previous uses of U.S. force in the world were actions protecting Muslims - in Kuwait, Somalia, Bosnia, and Kosovo. These actions hardly seem consistent with an America that is "racist" or hateful towards Arabs or Muslims.  The truth is that while some mindless morons have vented their frustration against Arabs and Muslims in America since September 11, the vast majority of Americans are tolerant, peace-loving people who have gone out of their way to make sure their Arab and Muslim neighbors are not subject to harassment.

2. The AWC would like you to believe that our country has purposely starved one million Iraqi children to death with our sanctions against Iraq.  The truth is that the sanctions against Iraq were put in place after the Gulf War when brutal Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein refused to  allow UN inspectors in to see his weapons of mass destruction.  These weapons - biological, chemical, and perhaps even nuclear - have been proliferating inside Iraq, and as Saddam has already used chemical weapons to gas his own people (the Kurds), there is no reason to believe that he does not eventually have the intention of using these horrible weapons against the United States, Israel, and other Western allies. The sanctions imposed were specifically set up to allow Saddam Hussein
to buy food and medicine for his people, but HE has instead chosen to sell the food and medicine, deprive his people of these necessities, and use the money to buy more weapons.  HE has chosen to let his people starve, not the United States.  It is a ridiculous and completely false assertion, then, to say that the United States has "killed" one million Iraqi children (an inflated number too, by the way).

3. The AWC claims that the U.S. support of Israel constitutes support for murder and oppression of the Palestinian people.  They fail to tell you that the Israeli-Palestinian violence is mutual, that Palestinian suicide bombers - funded by Arab-supported organizations like Hamas and
Hezbollah - have killed hundreds of innocent Israelis in terrorist attacks.  The United States has criticized transgressions on both sides of this conflict and has given huge amounts of aid to Arab countries as well - Arab countries that frequently oppress their own people severely and furthermore  - unlike Israel - are undemocratic societies that rule by authoritarian means and permit no free speech or dissent.

4. The AWC claims that the food drops currently being performed by the United States are "ineffective and inadequate".  Never mind the fact that, under Taliban rule, the Afghan people have been starving for years and many are probably getting more daily caloric intake from the US
food drops than they had in the past few years.  The US is spending $320 million to feed the very people who are harboring the criminals who planned the Sept. 11 attacks.  We at A.I.R. don't recall Osama Bin Laden offering to feed the widows and orphans that he created when the World
Trade Center was bombed and destroyed.

5. In their informational handout, the AWC claimed "we have other options" and "there are alternatives to war - see below" (almost laughably, there was nothing "below" this line on their handout - it was at the bottom of the page!).  Yet the AWC fails to articulate any feasible "other options" than war in their handout, the signs they carry at their rallies, or in their slogans chanted.  They seem to indicate at one point that they favor the use of the World Court and international law in apprehending Osama Bin Laden and other terrorists.  With the brutal, woman-repressing, gay-killing, militaristic Taliban in control of Afghanistan, how does the AWC propose this be done?  By sending in a squad car or two and having Bin Laden arrested?

Islamic fundamentalism and the terrorism that it breeds represent the greatest threats to freedom-loving people since Naziism took hold of Germany and much of Europe.  Reports from around the Middle East show massive popular support for the ridiculous belief that Israel and the
Jews were behind the September 11 massacre, a vicious anti-Semitic lie that was begun by the virulently anti-American and anti-Israeli Arab press.  Anti-Semitism and Anti-Americanism is openly fostered in the Middle East, even in the "moderate" Arab regimes we are now cozying up
to.  Furthermore, if you can hold your nose enough to do it, go to the Nazi David Duke's website, www.davidduke.com and read what he has to say about recent events. You will likely be shocked to find that many of his arguments are shared by the members of the AWC.  This is not the first
time that the Far Left and Far Right have converged.  They both hate America.  They both hate Israel.  They both view the world in isolationist terms.  They have much in common, and it is reason to be downright afraid of the AWC people.  Please read as much as you can. The AWC would like you to read local newspapers like the Pulse.  There's a reason for that.  The Pulse, while a great source for information on the local music scene, has a rabidly anti-Israeli stance that many in the community have gone so far as to call anti-Semitic.

The Taliban regime in Afghanistan is not just opposed to America.  It is completely intolerant of anyone who does not completely subscribe to their sick and twisted version of Islam.  Earlier this year, the Taliban ordered the destruction of numerous ancient Buddhist statutes, simply because they represented a different religious tradition.  Several aid workers have been held in fghanistan, and may be eventually executed, for the "heinous" crime of "trying to convert Muslims to Christianity" (which it is unlikely they were doing anyway).  Anyone disagreeing with the extreme form of Islam practiced by the Taliban is subject to beatings or execution.

The Anti-War Committee would like you to believe that because of America's foreign policy mistakes, we deserved to be attacked on September 11 and we have no right to retaliate for this horrible act of terrorism.  The truth is that America is not the cause of the internal failings of Middle Eastern countries.  On the contrary, America has provided billions of dollars in aid to many Arab nations, only to see those nations become less free and less prosperous than they were 20-30 years ago.  At times, yes, the U.S. has aligned itself with nations that are corrupt and autocratic.  This is a function of the "real world", a concept that the AWR is unfamiliar with.  The world is a messy place. There is often no "right answer" in international relations, only "less wrong" answers.  The US has been in favor of a Palestinian state for several years, but many in the Arab world have no interest in sharing the land with the Jews.  Many in the Arab world favor the annihilation of the state of Israel, which functions as the world's only safe refuge for Jews.  Given the rabidly anti-Semitic attitudes in Arab nations and other countries around the world, and given that it was only 55 years ago that the Nazis tried to eradicate the Jewish people from the face of  the earth (and succeeded in killing six million Jews), a safe haven for Jews is not a luxury, but a necessity.

We cannot appease the terrorists.  In 1938, British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain allowed the Nazis to annex Czecholslovakia in order to appease the Nazis.  The thought was "let's let them have Czecholslovakia, and then they won't come for us".  Soon, the world saw the error in Chamberlain's reasoning, as the appeasement only caused the Nazis to believe they could take more, and they proceeded to try to conquer all of Europe, spreading their hateful ideology as they went. Many at the time argued that the Germans had a "point" - that painful reparations inflicted on them after World War I were the "root cause" of their anger and aggression.  The Allied nations, they argued, had created a situation that had oppressed the Germans, and now they were "reaping what they had sowed".  Sound like a familiar argument?  Well it should.  It is exactly the kind of utter nonsense and, yes, idiocy, being spewed by the AWC right now.  The idea that evil can be justified because of past perceived wrongs is the most dangerous argument in the world.  According to this logic, there were "root causes" why the Nazis murdered the Jews, why the Turks murdered the Armenians, why Pol Pot and the Khmer Rouge murdered millions of Cambodians, why the Hutus murdered the Tutsis in Rwanda, and why the Serbs murdered the Bosnian Muslims. THERE ARE NO ROOT CAUSES OF EVIL AND MURDER!  EVIL IS EVIL, AND IT MUST BE STOPPED!  We are using military force now to crush this evil. Military force is an ugly thing.  Civilians are going to get killed, which is a sad and terrible thing.  During World War II, many thousands of innocent civilians in Germany and Japan were killed.  Such a horrible sacrifice was seen as necessary in order to defeat the evil Axis powers.  Few would argue today that such actions should not have been taken.  The Nazis were in the process of exterminating Jews, Gypsies, homosexuals, Poles, and other "subhumans", and it was necessary to kill many innocent people in order to stop the Nazis from taking over the world.  War is not pretty.  War is a last resort.  But the AWC says we should have "waited longer" and tried more diplomatic means to get the Taliban to turn over Osama Bin Laden.  Do they realize that to give more time would also mean to give the Al Qaida terrorist network more time to plan vicious terrorist attacks against innocent people?  Do they realize that, as Americans, they themselves could find themselves the victims of attacks by terrorists?  This request by the AWC is not a humanistic solution.  This proposal by the AWC would cause more innocent people to die.  This is an idiotic proposal.  We at the A.I.R. stand firm against idiocy, like the kind advocated by the AWC, and we hope you will join us.  We believe that the forces of Islamic extremism behind the Al Qaida terrorist network and other terrorist networks do not attack us merely because of legitimate or illegitimate quarrels with American foreign policy.  We believe they seek our destruction because they loathe our freedom and our way of life and are intolerant of anyone who does not subscribe to their extreme form of Islam.  We believe that the disgusting actions of September 11, when the terrorists slashed the necks of flight attendants and passengers on the airplanes, then killed the pilots, then steered the planes into buildings full of innocent people who then were either crushed to death, burned alive, or forced to jump to their deaths, indicate that we are facing an incredibly heartless and cruel enemy that will only be deterred by the application of military force and will not be won over by any kind of negotiation or reason.

Thank you.

Sincerely,
A.I.R.
The Anti-Idiocy Regiment

 (10-14-01)

This Week's Rants On WWIII

I have been duly informed that anarchy has changed its name to – ready?  Socialist Libertarianism. S--t by any other name is s--t as long as its main ingredients are s--t and s--t byproducts. Great, more s--t repackaged as fudge. Who'da thunk it...

The latest catchphrase to sweep the so-called peace movement is "Blowback", CIA slang for when scumballs you support to help you achieve your ends later turn around and bite you on the ass. The horrifically unfunny comic strip "The Boondocks" jumped on the bandwagon with a bunch of strips. Here's one now:

Everything the strip says might be true and accurate, but to think the world can ever operate on a level playing field of civility, cooperation, honesty, integrity and handshake agreements is fugging absurd. For a child this logic is sweetly naive. In adults it's no more than sad. This cartoon is as much of a revelation as screaming there's meat in steaks. World history, from the Stone Age to the present, is a chronicle of brutality, cunning and greed. We do it, they do it - that's how the game is played. I'd like it to stop too, but ideology, psychopathology and primitive animal instincts combine to doom humanity to the hurtful gamesmanship that defines power. Global politics is one big screwjob. Peace and prosperity come to those with the resources and power to achieve them. "The enemy of my enemy is my friend" is how it is sometimes, for better or worse. Blowback is not a lesson to America that we should only deal with nice people. Often there’s no nice person for days. Blowback is an unfortunate event that's sometimes inevitable when you do what it takes to get the job done. By the way, "The Boondocks" is unfunny because the writer confuses real punchlines with strident outbursts of dogma that aspire to be sarcastically ironic.

When I read that we should negotiate with the Taliban, or find out what they want so we can better understand their positions, my head puffs up and explodes like Jiffy Pop. These cretins are murderous, apocalyptic religious maniacs. It's like saying we should negotiate with the Mafia. The Mafia wants everyone to shut up and keep on gambling, shooting heroin and banging hookers. They don't want to be understood. The Taliban wants what Hitler wanted. They hate humanity. It's about power and the animal bloodlust that comes over groups like a cloud of demonic possession. The Taliban are middle eastern Nazis and they should all die. I'm sorry they live in s--t and have nothing but s--t to show for it. Some causes need as many martyrs as we can provide for them.

Violence can stop violence. What brand of stupid are you? Do you have any life experience, or just two handfuls of hope? I know, your daydream is so much nicer in the corner, out of the way.

My other favorite Jiffy Pop moment is when I'm told Americans shouldn't come to conclusions about terrorists until we become experts on their culture. How much do we really have to know? It’d be nice to be more learned about people, places and things, but in America education is not forced into people's brains at gunpoint. There's an assumption behind that statement that says the more we learn about other people the more we'll realize we're the same. Then there's big hugs all around. Sometimes the more you learn about people the more you realize you're not the same. If not slamming commercial airliners into skyscrapers is a Western Standard, then that's the standard I hold the rest of the world to. I don't care if your culture is 4,000 years old; if it condones rape, torture or genocide, your culture sucks.

The rhetorical ploy of equivalence is getting too much play these days. We're just as bad if not worse than the Taliban because of what happens in this "free" country. Nice comparative scale. If you feel that way, move to Afghanistan. Bye.

Deflection is another trick that drives me nuts. On NPR a commentator was whining there's too many award shows. Fine, in the right hands the point can be entertaining, and four minutes of radio time passes without incident. Then she complainst all the award shows employ security personnel, and don't they have better things to do right now? I think I literally screamed when I heard this.

Why do so many people hate the United States? We have flush toilets and fluffy toilet paper, that's why. It's ass envy.

Some More Random Thoughts On WWIII

Please learn the difference between the Peace Movement and the Anti-Democracy Movement - often intertwined for ideological ends. If the death of American soldiers is seen as a good thing, then the goal isn't peace, is it? I bring this up because that's what a leader of the supposed DC "Peace Movement" said during the Gulf War. She wanted Americans to die to teach the US a lesson. I hope she's dead now so she can finally do something constructive, like giving worms a decent meal.

I think peace is a grand idea. We should teach it to our kids and strive for it in our daily lives. Still, only horrible acts of aggression will make America safe again for the naive to think all problems can be solved with mediation and good karma. We have very little idea how violent the world really is, how often genocide takes place, and how intractable hatreds can be. And we don't have to know because this is America, the most optimistic and self-delusional country in the world. We create the dreams and realities that intolerant people hate and everyone else loves. Fast cars, big houses, blue jeans, rock and roll, and freedom. America is the best and worst of modern life. Yes, we allow women to work, laugh and dress themselves. We export McDonalds and Starbucks to foreign countries. How could we have allowed this to happen...

I hate socialism, the politically correct term for communism. The only difference between communist regimes and Nazi Germany is that Nazis were almost literally bred to take over the world, while communists were too distracted by the need to destroy themselves internally to make as much of a concerted effort to enslave the planet. Socialists still spout the same fake peace messages they've been spewing since the Vietnam War. The racism angle is another golden oldie from the comrades’ songbook. In their day they made a concerted effort on college campuses to suppress anti-communist actions around the world.

Henry Ford was a dedicated supporter of the Nazi movement before and during WWII (visit http://csf.colorado.edu/mail/psn/mar97/0019.html for insight on this suppressed piece of history). I notice that most of the anti-war movement is run by Stalinist front groups. Doesn't anyone learn from history? These pricks should be beaten, not accepted as peacemakers. Oh, I get it, capitalism took over the world for the benefit of the military-industrial complex, so we're just as bad. Equivalence doesn’t work when you don’t really believe both sides are equal.

Pacifism is also a neat philosophy, but it's worthless if someone is determined to kill you. Martin Luther King and Gandhi would not have lived out the week in North Korea or Pol Pot's Cambodia. I can guarantee you MLK would have beaten to a pulp anyone trying to hurt his wife or children.

"God Bless America" drives atheists crazy. Atheism is a fanatical science religion. There is no group more abrasive, smug and unhappy than atheists. Grow up and learn to co-exist with people who believe in a god. Religion and spirituality will always exist, and enough people believe in a higher power to make mention of a deity a common occurrence. Do atheists go berserk when they sneeze and someone says "Bless you"? I'm agnostic, and if there is a god I'd like for that entity to support our cause over that of the Taliban. So yes, God Bless America. If you believe the universe created itself, then that's your god. Instead of running away crying injustice when "God Bless America" is sung, envision god is a beaker held up to the light by a scientist in a lab coat, and sing along till the cows come home and whisper “moo” in your ear.

There was once a plan during World War II to drop pornography on Hitler. Generals considered it an insane risk and it never happened. We should drop porn on the Taliban, even just for the fun of it.

The line "One person's terrorist is another person's freedom fighter" may be true, but what's your point? Equivalence is a neat debating tool for idiots and ideologues. A punch in the stomach and being hacked to death with a machete are both acts of violence. Are they therefore the same? Sometimes you have to choose a side, otherwise you're useless. This is such a time. Here's another great realization from the mind of a stoned fifteen year old, "God is Dog spelled backwards".

Politically Incorrect host Bill Maher can eat crap. It’s strange to say the American military’s use of missiles is cowardly. To then assert the terrorists who slammed planes into buildings are not cowards is pathetic. Here's what Maher once said about mentally retarded children, championing the First Amendment by speaking up for those who agree with him: "I've often said that if I had -- I have two dogs -- if I had two retarded children, I'd be a hero. And yet the dogs, which are pretty much the same thing --[ audience laughter ] -- What? They're sweet. They're loving. They're kind, but they don't mentally advance at all.”

This man deserves nothing but pain and horror.

World War III Began On A Tuesday

It's 2:00 PM Pacific Coast Time as I write this. The first news hit the airwaves at 6:00 this morning, and the mood of the nation has so far been numb and fairly silent. This will change as the dust settles and numbers are tallied.  The Twin Towers in Manhattan are gone, along with thousands of lives. That the two 110 story towers collapsed directly down into themselves was god's only act of mercy today. A third hijacked airliner slammed into the Pentagon in Washington, DC. A fourth plane crashed near Pittsburgh. I can guarantee you that plane was destined for the White House, and only a brave act by crew members or passengers prevented further injury and loss of life. Who was at the controls of the planes that reached their targets? If it was a United or American Airline pilot, may he or she rot in hell forever. I don't care what was going on up there. You ditch the plane. If the terrorists had the skill to fly jumbo jets, it speaks of a conspiracy greater than we ever feared. This is war, and the United States must fight back until whoever did this is reduced to piles of burning ash.

Even now it's probably known with some certainty who is responsible, and enough evidence will be collected by the morning to present to the American people a picture of who our enemy is in this war. Let's not rush to conclusions and go apes--t on our neighbors - the truth will come out.  It is then up to the US to speak back to terrorists in the only language they understand. Death. Otherwise we will prove ourselves to be cowards in the face of enemies who hate us for the sheer fact we exist, enemies who celebrate the death of children by dancing in the streets. This will only encourage more terrorism. During Pacifica Radio's coverage of the unfolding crisis, some unwashed intellectual worried that the US will respond by bombing and not take a more "measured" approach. I want bombs, I want suffering, and I don't care if thousands lives are lost overseas in an effort to crush whoever aided and abetted the cowards who carried out the worst act of violence on American soil. You kill our kids, we kill your kids. We're just as bad as they are, and here's ten more of the same.

This time it won't be like the Gulf War where George Bush Sr. had to buy the cooperation of our so-called allies to cement their support. We're going to go wherever we want, and the world better stand aside. That's right, we're the big bad U.S of A., and f--k you if you don't like it. Regardless of all the contradictions and crap that goes on, America is the greatest nation on earth and its only real superpower. Don't waste my time with the military industrial complex line that makes us the world's greatest evil. I'm no fan of corporate anarchy, but the answer's not Mao's China or the laughable Soviet era. You think it's better in Europe? That might be, but if not for the US they'd all be Nazi. Gandhi was a swell guy, but Hitler would have marched him into the ovens first just to mock his pacifism. Arthur Neville Chamberlain thought he could appease Hitler and save Britain from war, but all he did by signing the Munich Pact in 1938 was lower the region's defenses while the Nazis rolled into Czechoslovakia. Whoever did this to us doesn't want anything, and they wouldn't stop if we fulfilled all of their demands. We are to these people an evil that must be destroyed. It's a crazy interpretation of god's will.

The extreme right and left wingers in this country can all die tomorrow as far as I'm concerned. They contribute nothing to this country but their hatreds and stupidity. If you don't like it here, leave. Boo fugging hoo. Go someplace where you'll be happy, like the moon. Right now people "over there" have to die, and I'm sorry for the inevitable civilian casualties. Violence begets violence. S--t happens. When will it end? When the terrorists are all dead, so let's get started.

You may love sausage, but you don't want to know how it’s made. From now on we'll need to make a ton of sausage. All the money from the idiotic Star Wars defense budget should be channeled into information gathering and anti-terrorism activities around the world. Terrorist threats should be wiped out before they have a chance to be carried out. Who gets to decide? Nobody? F--k you, you child, run out and play while the adults take care of business. We'll make it safe for you to fart around complaining how crappy everything is here. You know, without bombs going off at your next college anarchist meeting. Don’t worry, your weekly welfare check from mom and dad, those evil capitalists, will keep on coming.
 

I would love to live in a world where there's no war, rape, poverty, racism, hatred, pollution, guns and starvation. This isn't that world and   it    will    never    be. That's the next life you're dreaming about. Right now someone has come into our home and killed some of our family. These same people will do so again if given the chance. I say we go out and kick ass. This is war, baby, and if the big bad bully United States has to take over the entire crapping world for a few days to make it safe for Americans to drive to work in the morning, then so be it. Which evil would you rather live under: Corporate America or the Taliban? I thought so.

3 QUESTIONS

Everyone has an asshole, an opinion, and an opinion on their asshole. It's not my place to convince anyone of anything, but sometimes I play Devil's Advocate and ask questions like: (feel free to send me more and I may post them on this list)

1) To John Waters, who's fascination with serial killers would be even creepier if he wasn't a famous film director, I'd like to ask, "So, if a friend's child gets kidnapped, raped, tortured and killed by a serial killer, would you find it fascinating and giggle while you ask for details?

2) To anyone who wants to legalize drugs and prostitution, I'd like to ask, "If your daughter came to you for career advice, would you suggest a future in prostitution? Would you tell them how much money they could make giving blowjobs to fat, unwashed bald guys? Would you say how proud you'd be of them if they became whores? And wouldn't it be great if your kids all became junkies and supported the great legal drug trade?

3) To Hemp advocates, "So, Hemp can be made into everything from paper to clothing to nuclear weapons. Do you really expect me to believe this isn't just a backdoor way to legalize pot growing and smoking so you can do bong hits all day, every day? And if Hemp growing was made legal under the one condition that smoking-grade pot will never ever be legalized, would you agree to that?   

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